IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE FINDS SHOUTING THE BEST WAY TO GET THROUGH TO ME. MY FATHER WOULD BE THE ANGRIEST WITH THE CLEAN YOUR ROOMS OR GET ME ANOTHER DRINK, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE, DON’T TALK TO ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE. THEN I’D BE CONFUSED CAUSE I THOUGHT SHOUTING WAS HOW PEOPLE TALK TO EACH OTHER DOES THIS MEAN I CAN’T TALK ANYMORE? AND JUST LIKE THAT HE SNAPPED AND TURNED MY VOICE OFF. MY MOTHER WOULD BE THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE SHE IS SMALLER THAN I AM, IT’S LIKE A MUNCHKIN TELLING THE WIZARD TO STOP MESSING AROUND IN SCHOOL, CUTTING CLASS IS BAD, AND I WOULD SAY I KNOW IT’S BAD BUT I’M MISERABLE. I FEEL AWFUL. BUT SHE ONLY HEARD THE I KNOW AND NOW I’M NOT ONLY MUTED, BUT A DISAPPOINTMENT. A TARNISH ON THE FAMILY NAME, A REGRET. MY SISTER WOULD BUTT IN AT THIS POINT SAYING I SUCK OR TELLING ME WHAT TO DO AND I JUST WANT HER TO KNOW 2 AND A HALF YEARS DOESN’T MAKE YOU MY MOTHER YOU MEAN OLD PRUNEHEAD. MOMMY HATES IT WHEN WE CURSE SO I TRY TO AT LEAST FILTER THE PROFANITIES BUT I THINK WE BOTH CAUSE EACH OTHER MUTUAL INSANITY. My brother has never once yelled at me. Never risen his voice. I like to think he cares enough to spare me but the truth is he’s too busy writing novels and discovering formulas that he forgets about the real world. THE CRUELEST VOICE BY FAR IS THE ONE IN MY HEAD CONSTANTLY CONSTANTLY CONSTANTLY WISHING ME DEAD. IT IS POWERFUL AND MANIPULATIVE AND DISTURBING, ALWAYS TALKING NEVER STOPPING YOU’RE WORTHLESS I KNOW, I HATE YOU, I KNOW, YOU’RE FAT, I KNOW, YOU’RE A PIECE OF CRAP, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW! JUST STOP ALREADY! BUT THE PROCESS HAS BEGUN WHERE I BEGIN TO CONSIDER THE LEGITIMACY OF WHAT SHE IS SAYING. MY HATERS ADD TO THE COMMOTION WITH THEIR UNWAVERING DEVOTION TO KNOCKING ME DOWN AND MAKING ME STAY. WE HATE YOU, I KNOW. YOU’RE A SIN, NO I’M NOT. YES YOU ARE, NO I’M NOT, YES YOU ARE, PUNCH TO THE BELLY, PUNCH TO THE FACE, KICK TO THE KNEE, SAY YOU’RE A SIN, DO IT QUEER, SAY YOU’RE A SIN, I’M NOT, HOURS PASS, SAY YOU’RE A SIN OR WE’LL KILL YOU. AND MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS THANK YOU. MY MOM DIDN’T SEE IT, FATHER DIDN’T CARE, SISTER WOULDN’T BELIEVE ME, BROTHER WASN’T THERE. HATE CRIMES FLEW TOWARDS ME, GUESS THAT I’M A MAGNET. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD STAYED SILENT. I’M NOT A SIN ANYMORE. BISEXUALITY STARTED THE 3RD WORLD WAR. IMPERFECTION RENDERS ME A SHEEP, FOLLOWING THE WRONG FLOCK. THE MOMENT WHEN THE YELLING STOPPED. There was no one willing to help. Silent but not a sin. I will never apologize for who I am. Broken bones, bruises, scrapes or tears. You still will never win.